Thursday, December 3, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
I forgot you.
So I take my colleague/friend to work at oh - 6:30 AM - bc I like to work early and he is kind enough to help/agree to work early. Key point here is he doesn't drive to work.
I conveniently forget we drove together... so lunch comes and he says, "Maile want to get lunch" and I say - oh no - you go get something. Score - hinder your colleague's consumption of food.
The day is hectic and by 4 I am done. I have to leave. I pack up and go, not thinking twice.
a few hours later I get a text:
"Dear Maile, You've ruined my night. 1) Not only am I trapped at work with Suchi but 2) You made me miss yoga and a hot girl goes on Fridays...I'm never riding with you again."
Being Maile I completely don't understand - respond flipantly and say I can't imagine how it's my fault. Nice.
You can see where this is going...oh 3 hours later Suchi informs me that I left him and that's why I ruined his night.
Right.
I conveniently forget we drove together... so lunch comes and he says, "Maile want to get lunch" and I say - oh no - you go get something. Score - hinder your colleague's consumption of food.
The day is hectic and by 4 I am done. I have to leave. I pack up and go, not thinking twice.
a few hours later I get a text:
"Dear Maile, You've ruined my night. 1) Not only am I trapped at work with Suchi but 2) You made me miss yoga and a hot girl goes on Fridays...I'm never riding with you again."
Being Maile I completely don't understand - respond flipantly and say I can't imagine how it's my fault. Nice.
You can see where this is going...oh 3 hours later Suchi informs me that I left him and that's why I ruined his night.
Right.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Go PiZZA! No Pizza!
So... I ordered pizza today. Here's what happened...
I get a text "Come down for your pizza"
I go down to the lobby.
He goes up to my apt.
We each wait on our separate floors for 5 minutes.
I go up.
He goes down.
Suchi says we've missed eachother.
He goes up.
I go down.
The doorman sends me up.
I go up.
I finally get pizza 17 minutes after the whole boondoggle started.
I get a text "Come down for your pizza"
I go down to the lobby.
He goes up to my apt.
We each wait on our separate floors for 5 minutes.
I go up.
He goes down.
Suchi says we've missed eachother.
He goes up.
I go down.
The doorman sends me up.
I go up.
I finally get pizza 17 minutes after the whole boondoggle started.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Status update on facebook from a freind...
Julia: Sex is like a velociraptor: despite your lifelong movie-fueled neurotic obsession, unlikely to be found in your house
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Drunk man arrested for pretending to drown and throwing jellyfish at teenagers...
"MADEIRA BEACH — A 41-year-old man who witnesses said had been drinking since 9 a.m. was arrested Monday afternoon after authorities say he created a disturbance by pretending to drown and throwing jellyfish on teenagers."
Saturday, September 5, 2009
On drinking habits
"do you want a bigger heart or a bigger belly? It's up to you."
Bethany on red wine vs. Beer
Sent from my iPhone
Monday, August 31, 2009
say what!
A 28 year old guy lives with his 73-year-old dad and writes down stuff his dad says. so brilliant, so funny.
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays
http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays
Sunday, August 30, 2009
M&Ms: Survival of the Fittest
"Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels..."
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
lmgtfy.com
http://lmgtfy.com/
You know how sometimes people will ask you really really dumb questions ... well thats where this site comes in. The letters stand for "Let me google that for you" and you can go on enter the text into google, and then it creates a link that you can send with a video of you googling ... anyway this sounds a lot more complicated than it really is, but go check it out. It's hilarious. And AWESOME.
Here is an example I made
You know how sometimes people will ask you really really dumb questions ... well thats where this site comes in. The letters stand for "Let me google that for you" and you can go on enter the text into google, and then it creates a link that you can send with a video of you googling ... anyway this sounds a lot more complicated than it really is, but go check it out. It's hilarious. And AWESOME.
Here is an example I made
Thursday, July 23, 2009
How many playpen balls would it take to fill your apartment?
http://www.chiliahedron.com/ballroom/
This website tells you how many play pen balls you would need to fill your (or your friend's) apartment.
FUN!
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
But she is coughing....
So my first traveling trip at my new company did not begin auspiciously...
Since my boss and I were both flying to NYC, and we both had a 1 pm flight leaving from Minneapolis, we were both flying Delta/ Northwest. I thought it was safe to assume we were on the same flight. Wrong.
15 minutes before our flight is set to depart (i.e. 12:45) we roll up to our gate in terminal F. To my horror, it says MSP to JFK, leaving at 1 PM. I frantically ask the flight attendant, did they change the arrival airport for this flight?
They didn't.
My flight was leaving out of gate C. That's right, 4 gates away. 15 minutes till take off.
Without so much of a buh bye I leave my boss at the gate and start sprinting to my gate. I am out of shape and lugging the pully suitcase and computer bag was not an added plus. 4.5 minutes later I arrive at my gate as they say "Last call....". As I rush onto the plane I realize my lungs are burning but... I made it so no biggie.
Wrong.
As I approach my seat I see I am sitting next to a nutty professor look alike: 65, with poorly died black hair, hipster sunglasses and 3 layers of clothing (mind you it's summer). Oh yeah, and converse sneakers.
Great, I'm next to a crazy.
Right.
As I settle in my seat, I feel eyes burning into me. I think, "Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me."
"Ahem." (The nutty professor speaks). "Could you please cough less and cover your mouth. I don't want to get some disease I don't know about."
I reply, "Of course, I'm so sorry!" (squeaky, embarrassed girl voice).
Turns out my burning lungs were resulting in mini-coughs.
The saga does not end there.
Crazy man abruptly turns and sits sideways in his seat. Picture back to me, legs in the asile.
At this point I am still trying to stem the dry throat coughs. But, his next action ends this courtesy.
A flight attendant walks by and asks him to take his legs out of the aisle. He says, "But she's coughing." LOUDLY. Plane humiliation. She says, "I'm sorry, but I can't help with that."
The man grumpily returns to normal seated position and we take off. However, AS SOON AS we are allowed to "move about the cabin," he jumps up and runs to the bathroom. He returns with a tissue.
Yep. a tissue.
Sitting down again he proceeds to use the tissue as a mask to protect against my coughs. By now, I'm coughing up a storm for the fun of it.
I think I piss him off. Abruptly he jumps up, grabs his bag and yanks out a notebook. He starts scribling furiously.
Thinking, "This is gonna be good," I start spying. It is.
"As I travel more, I realize the French have it right. Americans are middling idiots..." And so begins his 5 page legal pad diatribe.
Know who stars in paragraph 2? Yours truly. "Americans show no courtesy. I am sitting next to a rude woman who refuses to cover her mouth. She coughs like she has tuberculosis." Score one for me :).
The essay goes on and on as he complains about every aspect of plane travel, from security to coach class.
He concludes his note with a few demands:
"From now on when I travel to engagements I will require the following things:
Since my boss and I were both flying to NYC, and we both had a 1 pm flight leaving from Minneapolis, we were both flying Delta/ Northwest. I thought it was safe to assume we were on the same flight. Wrong.
15 minutes before our flight is set to depart (i.e. 12:45) we roll up to our gate in terminal F. To my horror, it says MSP to JFK, leaving at 1 PM. I frantically ask the flight attendant, did they change the arrival airport for this flight?
They didn't.
My flight was leaving out of gate C. That's right, 4 gates away. 15 minutes till take off.
Without so much of a buh bye I leave my boss at the gate and start sprinting to my gate. I am out of shape and lugging the pully suitcase and computer bag was not an added plus. 4.5 minutes later I arrive at my gate as they say "Last call....". As I rush onto the plane I realize my lungs are burning but... I made it so no biggie.
Wrong.
As I approach my seat I see I am sitting next to a nutty professor look alike: 65, with poorly died black hair, hipster sunglasses and 3 layers of clothing (mind you it's summer). Oh yeah, and converse sneakers.
Great, I'm next to a crazy.
Right.
As I settle in my seat, I feel eyes burning into me. I think, "Please don't talk to me, please don't talk to me."
"Ahem." (The nutty professor speaks). "Could you please cough less and cover your mouth. I don't want to get some disease I don't know about."
I reply, "Of course, I'm so sorry!" (squeaky, embarrassed girl voice).
Turns out my burning lungs were resulting in mini-coughs.
The saga does not end there.
Crazy man abruptly turns and sits sideways in his seat. Picture back to me, legs in the asile.
At this point I am still trying to stem the dry throat coughs. But, his next action ends this courtesy.
A flight attendant walks by and asks him to take his legs out of the aisle. He says, "But she's coughing." LOUDLY. Plane humiliation. She says, "I'm sorry, but I can't help with that."
The man grumpily returns to normal seated position and we take off. However, AS SOON AS we are allowed to "move about the cabin," he jumps up and runs to the bathroom. He returns with a tissue.
Yep. a tissue.
Sitting down again he proceeds to use the tissue as a mask to protect against my coughs. By now, I'm coughing up a storm for the fun of it.
I think I piss him off. Abruptly he jumps up, grabs his bag and yanks out a notebook. He starts scribling furiously.
Thinking, "This is gonna be good," I start spying. It is.
"As I travel more, I realize the French have it right. Americans are middling idiots..." And so begins his 5 page legal pad diatribe.
Know who stars in paragraph 2? Yours truly. "Americans show no courtesy. I am sitting next to a rude woman who refuses to cover her mouth. She coughs like she has tuberculosis." Score one for me :).
The essay goes on and on as he complains about every aspect of plane travel, from security to coach class.
He concludes his note with a few demands:
"From now on when I travel to engagements I will require the following things:
- First class travel, I will not sit coach
- $1,000 inconvenience payment
- $250 so that I can buy clothing at my destination and not carry baggage
- Black cab drop off and pick up
- ...
- ....
- ...
Finally, I believe airports should screen for sick people. If a person dares come to the airport twice sick, their ticket should be revoked and the should receive no refund."
Throwing in a few more coughs, I smiled and then took a nap.
True story.
I did it...
Went to the opening midnight showing of harry potter 6. damn straight.
Can't decide on my favorite part of the night:
* Watching all the the pre-teens in Harry Potter costumes wait to be picked up by their parents at 3 am (I SO remember the parental movie pick-up, but it generally was not at 3 am)
* The movie.
Can't decide on my favorite part of the night:
* Watching all the the pre-teens in Harry Potter costumes wait to be picked up by their parents at 3 am (I SO remember the parental movie pick-up, but it generally was not at 3 am)
* The movie.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 27, 2009
job hunting?
Actor needed for emotional role – One day high pay
Date: 2009-04-17, 12:52PM EDT
My deceased aunt gave my two kids a Cocker Spaniel a few months back. The dog has been a terror and become overwhelming for me. I am a single father raising two young children. I cannot face telling the kids that the dog must go. I have found a good home for the dog, and just need someone to transport the dog, and play the villain.
Premise: You will be the dog walker hired by daddy (me) to walk Skittles. I will introduce you to the kids, and you will tell them you are going to help Skittles get her exercise when Daddy is too busy to walk her. At that point you will walk Skittles to your car and take her to her new family 20 minutes from my place. Then return holding just a leash. The story will be that Skittles broke free of the leash and took off. At this point prepare for crying, things being thrown at you, and possibly cursing. My kids are young and dramatic, their girls.
Pay will be $500. The job will take roughly 2 hours at best.
This job is ideal for an actor looking to diversify their role base, or someone who genuinely likes to make children cry. Acting experience is a plus, but not necessary. Please inform me of any prior experience in this kind of situation.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Tabbouleh!
In honor of my dinner tonight... check out this awesome music video about tabbouleh!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FaNzrtu0KM&feature=channel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FaNzrtu0KM&feature=channel
Friday, June 12, 2009
The gnomes strike again
phone while driving! Oh no!
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
found while searching for an apartment on craigslist
$200 You need a room, I need a girlfriend (short or long term)
Single male looking for a roommate and girlfriend in one. You must be a female, no conversions; nice looking, a nice person, employed or internship, slim to medium build, all around good person, interested in personal hygiene. The house is great, 4 br, 3 1/2 ba, 50" flat screen, internet access all over, weekly maid service, great AC, W/D and alll the bells and whistles. The house is 1 block to the metro, with parking if you have a car.
(Send pictures of yourself)
The way this works is:
1. You move in, and into your own bedroom and we start dating (your rent is $200 for the 1st month).
2. After 30 days of dating, we either keep dating, and you keep paying $200 per month, or we break up and you pay the regular rental rate for the room. I have 2 rooms that I have rented in the past-a $1,200 really nice BR or the $900 bedroom.
3. If we breakup, we both are free to date whomever we desire.
4. If this leads to marriage, then we split my mortgage and live happily ever after
5. In-laws can visit anytime
Yea, I know this is a different approach, but everyone does it, they just do not admit it.
Also, EXTRA POINTS given if ;
you are foreign (I still like American women, just ...)
you are a lawyer (so I am a rare one who likes lawyers)
you are over 35 (cougars are welcome)
You are blonde
you are taller than 5'6" (I am 6'1")
you are a federal judge
you are an economist
you are a medical doctor
you are rich or from a rich family (yea, I wrote it)
you have pretty eyes
you have long hair
you have short hair
you like all types of music (except bluegrass)
you like dogs (I do not have one, but I like them and might get one)
you like cats (I do not have one, but I like them and will never get one myself)
you are comfortable in heels
you are a clean person
you exercise
you bike ride
you downhill ski
you like the beach
you drink alcohol
ABOUT ME:
6'1"
over 40 yo
Black Male
Black Hair
Brown Eyes
Slim
Open to most any experience
Well traveled to numerous foreign countries
Interested in a relationship
Single male looking for a roommate and girlfriend in one. You must be a female, no conversions; nice looking, a nice person, employed or internship, slim to medium build, all around good person, interested in personal hygiene. The house is great, 4 br, 3 1/2 ba, 50" flat screen, internet access all over, weekly maid service, great AC, W/D and alll the bells and whistles. The house is 1 block to the metro, with parking if you have a car.
(Send pictures of yourself)
The way this works is:
1. You move in, and into your own bedroom and we start dating (your rent is $200 for the 1st month).
2. After 30 days of dating, we either keep dating, and you keep paying $200 per month, or we break up and you pay the regular rental rate for the room. I have 2 rooms that I have rented in the past-a $1,200 really nice BR or the $900 bedroom.
3. If we breakup, we both are free to date whomever we desire.
4. If this leads to marriage, then we split my mortgage and live happily ever after
5. In-laws can visit anytime
Yea, I know this is a different approach, but everyone does it, they just do not admit it.
Also, EXTRA POINTS given if ;
you are foreign (I still like American women, just ...)
you are a lawyer (so I am a rare one who likes lawyers)
you are over 35 (cougars are welcome)
You are blonde
you are taller than 5'6" (I am 6'1")
you are a federal judge
you are an economist
you are a medical doctor
you are rich or from a rich family (yea, I wrote it)
you have pretty eyes
you have long hair
you have short hair
you like all types of music (except bluegrass)
you like dogs (I do not have one, but I like them and might get one)
you like cats (I do not have one, but I like them and will never get one myself)
you are comfortable in heels
you are a clean person
you exercise
you bike ride
you downhill ski
you like the beach
you drink alcohol
ABOUT ME:
6'1"
over 40 yo
Black Male
Black Hair
Brown Eyes
Slim
Open to most any experience
Well traveled to numerous foreign countries
Interested in a relationship
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
quoted
me: graphic design is sort of whorish
Maile: yeah same with consulting... you put out for whoever pays the bills
Maile: yeah same with consulting... you put out for whoever pays the bills
rock on
via cookie crumbs
Pretty fly for a white bird.
Oh you know you love a bad pun. Anyway, the video is funny at least!
Monday, June 1, 2009
What a coaster....
This is basically a public service announcement coaster. Don't give drinks to dead people.
In case you can't read the small print..."So please refrain from pouring Thomas Creek on the ground as a shout out to dead hommies or rappers. Give a toast is you want to make a passed on peep proud."
And here is the back story behind the coaster...
So Tom invited me to come to a beer fest with some friends... But he didn't tell me to buy my ticket in advance. The fest was sold out. I couldn't go. Awesome. As consolation, Tom brought me this coaster. It's a hilarious coaster so that kind of makes up for it. :)
Web site of the week... thanks mark!
http://www.mailorderhusbands.net/order/
According to some, Bertram could be my sugar daddy. lucky me.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
A hilarious salute to weddings from Alex and Tom....
"consider this a contribution to your blog:
alex and I particularly liked the couple who dressed as shrek and princess fiona, the "save the date" video, and the video of the groom getting arrested at his own wedding."
And as an added note, Tom and Alex are right on. Those couples were fabulous.
Some thoughts from hawaii....
1. Kids are hilarious. Yes, we already all know this. But, within a span of 30 minutes yesterday I saw 3 hilarious kid feats that just have to be documented.
3. I just love this photo....
And yes my brother is wearing a muscle t-shirt in case you are wondering. He thinks its hilarious. He has actually bought two.....
More Hawaii updates to come. Stay tuned for "David and Goliath" and some awesome websites suggestions from Mark that I have taken way too long to post. (That is called a teaser ;) I'll keep you coming back. Muha.
- Kid 1 tried 7 successive times to throw up a ball and kick it. Every single time he ran over the ball and into a dinner table where a couple was dining.
- Kid 2 was holding his dad's hand and trying to be a dead weight on the beach path. Why was he trying to hold his dad back. Well, his chorus was, "We're lost. We're lost. We're lost."
- Kid 3 turned a store front into her ocean. She hopped onto a rectangular piece of cardboard and began to surf. Oh yes, and waves were included. Up and down, jumping and ducking, falling of the board, no activity was ignored on this cardboard surfboard.
- Tripped over a ledge on Mt. Haleakala swelling the ankle
- Popped out my knee bending over for a bottle of wine
- Smashed my tow walking in the apt
- Developed a welt on my back from god knows what that made my steady mom squeal "Oh my god maile what happened to you."
3. I just love this photo....
And yes my brother is wearing a muscle t-shirt in case you are wondering. He thinks its hilarious. He has actually bought two.....
More Hawaii updates to come. Stay tuned for "David and Goliath" and some awesome websites suggestions from Mark that I have taken way too long to post. (That is called a teaser ;) I'll keep you coming back. Muha.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Who needs a sommelier when you can have a smellier?
So I took my brother and parents to a wine tasting in Atlanta. Good night! Discovered my parents both have tolerances of inexperienced teenagers. Anyways, the next day my brother is trying to talk about the experience....
"You know I really didn't like that smellier."
"What Jonathan?"
"You know that guy who ran the wine tasting."
Good stuff.
"You know I really didn't like that smellier."
"What Jonathan?"
"You know that guy who ran the wine tasting."
Good stuff.
ahoy matees!
With all the social networking (facebook, twitter, gchat, email, blah blah blah) things may start getting a bit boring. This is where Post Like a Pirate fills the void! All you do is type your message as you would normally, and voila! it is translated into pirate speak as you type!
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Friday, May 15, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Leslie's thoughts on travel to see friends....
Last night around a pitcher of margaritas I asked Leslie, would you visit me in Minneapolis if I move there. And Leslie, ever honest said:
"It depends. Is there a direct flight?"
We all looked at her in confusion (Most of us thinking DUH, Atlanta is Delta's HQ and Minneapolis was Northwest's HQ before they merged). Leslie quickly cleared up her intended meaning...
"I don't connect to see friends."
Muhahaha.
"It depends. Is there a direct flight?"
We all looked at her in confusion (Most of us thinking DUH, Atlanta is Delta's HQ and Minneapolis was Northwest's HQ before they merged). Leslie quickly cleared up her intended meaning...
"I don't connect to see friends."
Muhahaha.
Thoughts on Korean pop culture - from Elena
"This past weekend I learned about Koren pop culture, first from my boyfriend and subsequently from my Korean friend... I would like to dedicate the following song to crackaritas (as it suddenly started playing in my head as I read the word "crackaritas" in Leslie's email)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvBb7m73TOQ
I also learned that it is now a popular trend to repeat lines/words/lyrics many times in Korean pop songs to make them easier to memorize. Interesting, eh? "
Does Elena have more free time than usual at work?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvBb7m73TOQ
I also learned that it is now a popular trend to repeat lines/words/lyrics many times in Korean pop songs to make them easier to memorize. Interesting, eh? "
Does Elena have more free time than usual at work?
Monday, May 11, 2009
Girl with barbie ice cream cone
face....
How to get someone to not take a shot...
I was in Chapel Thrill for my brother's graduation! (Congrats JonJon) On Friday night Ashley and I hit Franklin St. and end up at Topo (only the best bar in Chapel Hill)....
Picture this. Ashley and I sitting at a high top table...with 2 empty seats. Talking, giggling, etc. etc. etc. when a guy suddenly plops himself down. Let's call him guy 1. Two seconds later his friend follows him to the table with two shots (this friend is guy 2). Apparently, guy 2 was trying to force guy 1 to take the shots. Guy 1 offers us his shot. When we both decline, he continues to ask every girl that passes by to take his shot.... Guy 2 is not happy. Here is a little glimpse of what ensues...
Girl in zebra dress walks up...
Guy 1: "You look lovely tonight, do you want this shot?"
Zebra girl: (Looking doubtful )"Ummmm"
Guy 2: "Can't you tell he roofied it. It would be beyond stupid to take this shot."
Zebra girl: (awkward giggle) "Right"
Guy 1: "He is lying"
Guy 2: "He is just going to take advantage of you."
Exit zebra girl
Girl in twinset with bow in hair...and as the author of this blog, I have to comment, why in the world would guy 1 think that a girl who looked that proper (cardigan + bow) would be likely to comply....
Guy 1: "Hi, do you want this shot. I swear I havent done anything to it."
Proper girl: "No thank you. I make it a policy never to take drinks from strangers."
Guy 1: "You can even take my friend's. He has already had a sip. See, clearly nothing is in it."
Proper girl: "Sorry but no."
Guy 1: "Come on. You and him can take it together."
Proper girl: "You're creepy. Bye."
Guy 2: (drunken laugh) "I didn't even have to say anything that time."
Girl with attitude...
Guy 1: "Want this shot?"
Guy 2: "He is being lame and won't take it with me. Do I have to tell you he roofied it?"
Attitude girl: "Grow some testicles."
That's all she wrote....
Picture this. Ashley and I sitting at a high top table...with 2 empty seats. Talking, giggling, etc. etc. etc. when a guy suddenly plops himself down. Let's call him guy 1. Two seconds later his friend follows him to the table with two shots (this friend is guy 2). Apparently, guy 2 was trying to force guy 1 to take the shots. Guy 1 offers us his shot. When we both decline, he continues to ask every girl that passes by to take his shot.... Guy 2 is not happy. Here is a little glimpse of what ensues...
Girl in zebra dress walks up...
Guy 1: "You look lovely tonight, do you want this shot?"
Zebra girl: (Looking doubtful )"Ummmm"
Guy 2: "Can't you tell he roofied it. It would be beyond stupid to take this shot."
Zebra girl: (awkward giggle) "Right"
Guy 1: "He is lying"
Guy 2: "He is just going to take advantage of you."
Exit zebra girl
Girl in twinset with bow in hair...and as the author of this blog, I have to comment, why in the world would guy 1 think that a girl who looked that proper (cardigan + bow) would be likely to comply....
Guy 1: "Hi, do you want this shot. I swear I havent done anything to it."
Proper girl: "No thank you. I make it a policy never to take drinks from strangers."
Guy 1: "You can even take my friend's. He has already had a sip. See, clearly nothing is in it."
Proper girl: "Sorry but no."
Guy 1: "Come on. You and him can take it together."
Proper girl: "You're creepy. Bye."
Guy 2: (drunken laugh) "I didn't even have to say anything that time."
Girl with attitude...
Guy 1: "Want this shot?"
Guy 2: "He is being lame and won't take it with me. Do I have to tell you he roofied it?"
Attitude girl: "Grow some testicles."
That's all she wrote....
Friday, May 8, 2009
How not to be creepy.
This e-mail came from Elena. Is she trying to send me a message?
"How to meet new people aka how not to be a creep
http://www.wikihow.com/Meet-New-People-Without-Being-Creepy
We all need some advice at times
"There's an image presented in a lot of media, especially anime and video games, that being standoffish, mysterious, and quiet is "cool". In real life, however, it's more likely to come off as creepy.[1]"
Thanks Elena.
"How to meet new people aka how not to be a creep
http://www.wikihow.com/Meet-New-People-Without-Being-Creepy
We all need some advice at times
"There's an image presented in a lot of media, especially anime and video games, that being standoffish, mysterious, and quiet is "cool". In real life, however, it's more likely to come off as creepy.[1]"
Thanks Elena.
New terminology...
The other day a recruiter wrote to me in an e-mail...
"It sounds like your skillet is best suited to an operations focused role..."
Skillet instead of skill set. A trend in the making? Imagine a job interview... "Tell me about your skillet?"
Oh the confusion that could ensue!
Potential answer #1) "Well I use a cheap Wal-mart pan, but I've heard Caphalon is top notch...."
Potential answer #2) "I catch things on fire when I try to cook, therefore I own no skillets."
Or what about "I have no skillet"
"It sounds like your skillet is best suited to an operations focused role..."
Skillet instead of skill set. A trend in the making? Imagine a job interview... "Tell me about your skillet?"
Oh the confusion that could ensue!
Potential answer #1) "Well I use a cheap Wal-mart pan, but I've heard Caphalon is top notch...."
Potential answer #2) "I catch things on fire when I try to cook, therefore I own no skillets."
Or what about "I have no skillet"
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Man tries to pay bill with a spider drawing...
http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847
You should read this if you need a pick me up. My brother sent it to me a few weeks ago in lieu of a phone call. Tom reminded me by sending it again... What will you send in leiu of something real ? This almost suffices ;). Brothers.
This will make much more sense once you read the article....
You should read this if you need a pick me up. My brother sent it to me a few weeks ago in lieu of a phone call. Tom reminded me by sending it again... What will you send in leiu of something real ? This almost suffices ;). Brothers.
This will make much more sense once you read the article....
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Now that's a pick up line...
So Bethany, Kaitlin and I are adding a new type of post to this blog. We will post the best pick-up lines we hear when we go out (they have this blog's log in info, be envious ;).
So... the winner from last night in DC was.....
"You three are pretty cute for tall girls..."
and after an incredibly long and awkward conversation with him, finally gave me a dollar, and left.....
At which time guy # 2 thinks it would be brillant to step in with....
"I heard what that douche bag said to you."
Que awkward, humorous conversation two.
So... the winner from last night in DC was.....
"You three are pretty cute for tall girls..."
and after an incredibly long and awkward conversation with him, finally gave me a dollar, and left.....
At which time guy # 2 thinks it would be brillant to step in with....
"I heard what that douche bag said to you."
Que awkward, humorous conversation two.
Friday, May 1, 2009
And one more take on the swine flu a la Bethany...
Just visit this link...
http://doihavepigflu.com/
Also, my Dad has informed me that should anyone in our family fall ill he has tamiflu which he will express mail to me. Have no fear. Swine flu ain't got nothing on John.
http://doihavepigflu.com/
Also, my Dad has informed me that should anyone in our family fall ill he has tamiflu which he will express mail to me. Have no fear. Swine flu ain't got nothing on John.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
Superheroes to the rescue.
Cincinnati Superhero Patrols Streets Fighting Crime
'Shadowhare' Among Nationwide Group Of Superheroes
By Eric Flack
Visit: http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/19305002/detail.html to read the real article
CINCINNATI -- Cincinnati police have a new ally in their fight against crime, whether they want it or not.
He calls himself Shadowhare, and he wears a mask and a cape to conceal his true identity. He's Cincinnati's own version of a superhero fighting crime and injustice where he finds it.
Vote: What do you think of Shadowhare?
"We help enforce the law by doing what we can in legal standards, so we carry handcuffs, pepper spray … all the legal weapons," said Shadowhare. "We will do citizen's arrests. We will intervene on crimes if there is one happening in front of us."
The man behind Shadowhare's mask is 21 years old and from Milford. Those are the only clues to his true identity that he will reveal. Shadowhare said he was abused as a child and grew up in foster homes, perhaps leading him to a life helping others.
"My message to Cincinnati is that there is still hope and all we have to do is stand together," he said.
Shadowhare is not alone in his quest to fight crime. He heads up a group of men -- and one woman -- called the "Allegiance of Heroes." The members communicate with each other in online forums. Among the members are Aclyptico in Pennsylvania, Wall Creeper in Colorado and Master Legend in Florida.
"I've even teamed up with Mr. Extreme in California -- San Diego -- and we were trying to track down a rapist," said Shadowhare.
The crime fighters will often pair up to patrol the streets. Even so, fighting crime comes with its share of hardship.
Shadowhare said he suffered a dislocated shoulder two years ago while trying to help a woman who was being attacked.
And the authorities don't always take him seriously. In one encounter with a Hamilton County corrections officer, Shadowhare was greeted with a chuckle and a look of disbelief.
But Shadowhare said he and his team are not deterred by the criticism. He remains focused on trying to make Cincinnati a better place, whether it's fighting crime or feeding the homeless.
For now, the law is on Shadowhare's side.
It is legal in Ohio and Kentucky to make a citizens arrest, however, the arrester does face possible civil litigation if the person arrested turns out to be innocent.
'Shadowhare' Among Nationwide Group Of Superheroes
By Eric Flack
Visit: http://www.wlwt.com/cnn-news/19305002/detail.html to read the real article
CINCINNATI -- Cincinnati police have a new ally in their fight against crime, whether they want it or not.
He calls himself Shadowhare, and he wears a mask and a cape to conceal his true identity. He's Cincinnati's own version of a superhero fighting crime and injustice where he finds it.
Vote: What do you think of Shadowhare?
"We help enforce the law by doing what we can in legal standards, so we carry handcuffs, pepper spray … all the legal weapons," said Shadowhare. "We will do citizen's arrests. We will intervene on crimes if there is one happening in front of us."
The man behind Shadowhare's mask is 21 years old and from Milford. Those are the only clues to his true identity that he will reveal. Shadowhare said he was abused as a child and grew up in foster homes, perhaps leading him to a life helping others.
"My message to Cincinnati is that there is still hope and all we have to do is stand together," he said.
Shadowhare is not alone in his quest to fight crime. He heads up a group of men -- and one woman -- called the "Allegiance of Heroes." The members communicate with each other in online forums. Among the members are Aclyptico in Pennsylvania, Wall Creeper in Colorado and Master Legend in Florida.
"I've even teamed up with Mr. Extreme in California -- San Diego -- and we were trying to track down a rapist," said Shadowhare.
The crime fighters will often pair up to patrol the streets. Even so, fighting crime comes with its share of hardship.
Shadowhare said he suffered a dislocated shoulder two years ago while trying to help a woman who was being attacked.
And the authorities don't always take him seriously. In one encounter with a Hamilton County corrections officer, Shadowhare was greeted with a chuckle and a look of disbelief.
But Shadowhare said he and his team are not deterred by the criticism. He remains focused on trying to make Cincinnati a better place, whether it's fighting crime or feeding the homeless.
For now, the law is on Shadowhare's side.
It is legal in Ohio and Kentucky to make a citizens arrest, however, the arrester does face possible civil litigation if the person arrested turns out to be innocent.
A la Leslie....
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Cool day!!
A good friend of mine is using a certain dating site. She is considering going on a first date with one guy. Yesterday, we spent a good 30 minutes trying to determine his "tool" factor. Needless to say, internet dating sites make the first date a whole lot more complicated. First off, you know way more information than you would normally (eg, they have multiple choice and essay question each person answers!) Secondly, you have to overcome this embarassment over using the site. Thirdly, you have to convicne yourself the potential datee isn't a reject because he is using the site. On the other hand, a lot of people have had really good experiences on the sites. Anyways, these are my initial thoughts on internet dating sites.
Oh yes, to get back to cool day, the one MAJOR tool mark against this potential date was he says/texts/e-mails "Have a cool day!" all the time. Now what pray tell does "cool day" mean? Does it mean a chilly day? Does it mean a fun day? Does it mean a good day? He may have an awesome personality, but using a phrase like "cool day!" on the site almost lost him the date with said friend.
crazy life.
Oh yes, to get back to cool day, the one MAJOR tool mark against this potential date was he says/texts/e-mails "Have a cool day!" all the time. Now what pray tell does "cool day" mean? Does it mean a chilly day? Does it mean a fun day? Does it mean a good day? He may have an awesome personality, but using a phrase like "cool day!" on the site almost lost him the date with said friend.
crazy life.
Monday, April 20, 2009
Gnomes trip and fall too.
Marvin and Earl are Niles' gnomes. I walked into Ali and I's apt one afternoon to see the gnomes on the floor with a bannana peel. Niles quickly explained what had happened....
"Earl was cleaning, but he didn't clean fast enough. Marvin tripped and fell on a bannana peel. Earl just laughed..."
Bad news in tennis shoes. Tom discovered the church signs debate is fake!
...but the church signs debate is fake. I sent it to my family and my grandpa immediately noticed that all of the details in the pictures were identical over time. For example, the same cars are parked in the exact same location...the sunlight/reflections on the signs are identical, etc. That implies that someone made up the argument between the two churches because there is no way that everything would be totally identical otherwise.I just googled it to check, and here is what I found: http://www.snopes.com/photos/signs/dogheaven.asp Even so, it's still hilarious...
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Goooooooo Margaritas!
Friday, April 17, 2009
AMAZING "Happy Friday" forward from Kaitlin
This is literally a “church signs” debate, being played out in a southerntown, between a Catholic church and a Presbyterian church that faceeach other across a street. From top to bottom you will see theresponse and counter-response over time.
If you saw a being from another galaxy, what would it look like?
<<mail.jpg>>
Courtesy of Brad. Note how he does not stick to a boring ET like being. Granted said being is on earth...
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Excerpt from e-mail from a friend. I adore getting his e-mails. Hilarious!
"...Oh and I camera caddied at Fashion Week, that in February too. Consisted of following a small Belgian man around backstage with a tripod over my shoulder like a media lumberjack, snagging crabcakes and trying to catch model's eyes. Spent a lot of time in the photographer pit at the end of the runway, trying to read war and piece and not get into arguments with Ukrainians. It's strange scene, those models really look better once the camera has added twenty pounds to them. No bounce. The male models I feel too bad for to even make fun of, given that ninety percent of the designers are small, balding gay men with expressive hands. I find myself missing it now, being part of such an enormously decadent enterprise. The audience was the part that really got me, so many cleancut, neatly dressed midwestern girls who work for department stores warming themselves at the creative flame of bigcity homosexuality...."
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